I was quite pepped up to exude my charm and chutzpah again! My parents had not completely softened to my recent theatrics. I was always under observation.I did find it hard from switching over people. This time, I was talking with three suitors, at the same time.Rule of the game- you are not committed and its fair and ethical , its about the choice you make.
To my misery, I found it very confusing. I should have maintained a diary , I suppose because I would mix and mingle the facts and whereabouts of the three. To save me the trouble, one of them himself withdrew. He was the one who kept reading his email and making 'important' phone calls, all this while when we were on a video chat. It was quite entertaining.
Now, one of them, was good. He was much older than me, gifted looks, sporty, humor, fat bank balance- check, check, check.I really don't know what went amiss.He took a silent exit. The third one got lost in transistion.He found me totally uninterested in him , I puzzled up most of my conversations with him. I confess, its so hard for me to write, that ,yes,all three rejected me!!Ouch, did that hurt?
I would not say, I have gone numb to the response of my family. It does affect me. It does make me cry . Every time, I feel , I am the first one in this whole, wide universe who has to get married. But at the same time, I have never felt less of myself. I love myself. More importantly, I love being 'myself'.I want a man to accept me just the way I am. I don't want him to like me for the image of his' lady' in his mind.I am like this, I can just get better if not worse. I can be funny, silly and stupid but I have a set of values and principles in my life.
On a silent Sunday evening, I was unusually happy. It had been uneventful and the weighing scale showed a substantial drop. My tablet whistled,' you've got mail'. There he was, my first NRI suitor.
Was I happy or was I happy to speak to him? I still can't figure out. He was calm and I was chirpy . He claimed to be shy and introvert but din't hesitate, to share his ' funny' story, a month-long texting some 'Priyamvada', who turned out to be some guy! There was something funny about the conversation. I was talking and venting. He was listening and absorbing.We talked about random things and he kept it alive with his sneers and jeers. His voice reminded me of a long lost school friend ,with a similar sense of sarcasm. There were no sparks. It was a light hearted conversation. .We said our customary good byes.
There was an ease about him.He came across as unpretentious and unassuming.I had not gathered enough facts about him but entrusted him, with reasonable information about myself. It felt 'normal'.
Normal was good.
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